Tag Archives: write

I Can’t Help You With That Embarrassing Problem, I’m Afraid

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Last month’s Teens Can Write, Too! Blog Chain was excellent, very fun, and I couldn’t wait  for this month’s. Yesterday’s post was by Miriam Joy at A Farewell To Sanity and before that, Kirsten at Kirsten Writes! Both of whom have written really entertaining posts with some hilarious, and sometimes baffling search terms involved.

So, I am afraid to say that I don’t have nearly as many entertaining search terms. Mostly anyone who finds my blog via a search engine seems to type in entries such as ‘eat sleep write repeat’ or ‘felicity-zara stewart wordpress’, which all in all are pretty likely to redirect here somewhere along the line. Yet because of this, when strange search terms do come along, I tend to notice it quite quickly.

The first strange term was quite an early one, and while it does make sense in context, it’s far more entertaining out of it. One visitor in particular wanted to find details on;

‘Patrick Bateman lifestyle’ 

Now, I’m not suggesting for a moment that my blog is a handy all-in-one guide on how to live life as a psychopathic Yuppie who does unmentionable things to women by way of starving rats. But if it was, then I can certainly see why this search would yield results.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), my blog isn’t an all-in-one guide on how to live like a psychopathic Yuppie at all. It is but a humble writing blog, you won’t find that much torture and misogyny here (or at least not intentionally). My apologies to whoever managed to find my blog while obviously searching for something much more visceral, though; I have a feeling that reading about the writing pursuits of a certain 19-year-old aspiring author isn’t exactly what they were going for with that one. This review might prove useful, though.

The next is more than a little odd, and possibly inappropriate, too. Cover your eyes, kiddies;

‘Balls sleeping accidentally exposed’

I …  don’t have anything witty to say about this one off the top of my head, as every time I read it, it seems to make less sense. I just don’t understand this search term.

What I mean to say is; dear visitor, I am very sorry to hear about your embarrassing predicament, even though I can quite honestly say I have never found myself in such a position. This is primarily because I lack male genitalia, but also … well, no, actually, it is just because I’m a girl.

The strangest part about this search term, however, is that I really have no idea how it relates to my blog. I’ve never posted tips on how to avoid this issue, having never suffered from it myself, and in living memory, I’ve never written about anything dealing with it, either. Until today, I can’t even remember whether the word ‘balls’ appears on this blog (maybe in a quote, I’m not sure). Okay, so that book review might have had something to do with it … somewhere along the line? Very, very vaguely connecting point A (the search term) to point B (the review) is the underlining fact that the book in question is ‘about’ the porn industry. That said, I doubt exposure is a worry in said industry. More the whole point.

Next up, we have;

‘Nanowrimo cannibalism’

I swear, you couldn’t make these up.

I mean, what in the heck is NaNoWriMo cannibalism? Oh, yes, today I decided that I was going to live on a healthy, and somewhat sustainable diet of human body parts while writing like a maniac. Is that it? Or … the … you know what? I just can’t get my head around this one at all. It pains me to say this, but I’m not writing about cannibalism for this year’s NaNoWriMo (at least not yet), although I have encountered a few characters who have made cannibalism a part of their lifestyle.

And finally,

‘M love a’

Probably the most baffling one yet. As in, I don’t even have a book review (because, yes, my oddest search terms have all related to my book reviews) to link this one to, or understand what it is that this person was actually trying to ask, let alone what they were trying to find.

Honestly. I don’t think I could even guess at what m loving a actually pertains to, unless it’s some kind of special code, or initials. Could be that ‘Mia love Anthony’ … or ‘meerkat love ants’? Yes. This search term is really that strange to me.

So my take on this? The people who reach my blog via search engine are either psychopaths, people with extremely obtrusive genitals or cannibals.

I also have a feeling that several of my visitors were sorely disappointed when they searched for ‘Jannah Reid’ most likely in the hope of hitting on one of the websites included in the 90% that are porn sites. Don’t ask how I know that. It could be why I’ve been getting some rather strange notifications on my computer as of late, though …

These are probably the most notable results I’ve … well … noticed, but some worthy mentions go to;

‘Where do jackals sleep’ – I couldn’t honestly tell you. I might be able to tell you where they lie, though. My apologies, that was absolutely terrible … this blog isn’t ideal for nature enthusiasts.

‘Hunter S. Thompson sleep’ –   not really sure what they were getting at with this one, not surprised they ended up here, though.

‘Eat write or die’ – well, that’s quite an interesting form of self discipline. I don’t doubt that it gets results.

‘Writing and droning’ – how nice of you to point out that this is what I do most of the time.

‘4 storey freefall’ – something I can help you with, dear visitor! I’m not sure how the 4 storey part relates, though. But if you want to know about someone falling at least 1,000 feet, I’m your girl.

So, there you have it; the weird and sometimes wonderful world of my stats page. As a part of the blog chain this month, a quick NaNoWriMo update;

I hit 50k late on Thursday evening. I’m nowhere near done with my story, though. Actually, I don’t want to be done with it; I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been struggling to even get 14k done over the weekend, but this has much more to do with time than it does my novel. So right now, I’m sitting on 66k and barely halfway through, in love with even the characters who are despicable human beings, and not looking forward to the end because … damn it, I just don’t want to say goodbye. I guess that’s what editing is for, though …

So that’s me punching in and out for the month! I urge you all to check out the following blogs, as they’ll all be coming up with some excellent posts, with far more interesting and amusing search terms than mine, throughout the course of this month!

November 5th —http://kirstenwrites.wordpress.com/– Kirsten Writes!

November 6th — http://delorfinde.wordpress.com – A Farewell To Sanity

[You Are Here] November 7th — https://thelitjunkie.wordpress.com – Eat, Sleep, Write, Repeat

November 8th — http://alohathemuse.wordpress.com – Embracing Insanity

November 9th — http://noveljourneys.wordpress.com/ – Novel Journeys

November 10th —- http://greatlakessocialist.wordpress.com/ – Red Herring Online

November 11th — http://taystapeinc.wordpress.com – Tay’s Tape

November 12th — http://herebefaries.wordpress.com/ – The Land of Man-Eating Pixies

November 13th – http://randominmind.wordpress.com – Random On My Mind!

November 14th – http://insideliamsbrain.wordpress.com/ – This Page Intentionally Left Blank

November 15th — http://herestous.wordpress.com – Here’s To Us

November 16th— http://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com –  The Incessant Droning of a Bored Writer

November 17th — http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com – Teens Can Write Too! (We will be announcing the topic for the next month’s chain)

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‘Teens Can Write Too’

I’d like to take a moment to mention a blog that I feel is worth supporting.

Teens Can Write Too

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been fortunate. My family have been extremely supportive of … what little of my writing they have seen. However, I’m well aware that this is not a philosophy nurtured the world over – something that needs to change, at least a little.

Yes, I do tend to identify myself as a ‘teen writer’ or ‘young writer’, despite the inevitable fact that I’m headed at full-pelt for twenty sooner than I’d like to admit. Everything I’ve written of my own free will, however, has been written in my teens. It’s been a learning curve, but I don’t feel that there’s any need to judge a writer on the basis of age; all should be judged on the basis of skill.

So yes, I do believe that teens can write, too, and that they can do it well, and as such, I urge you all to check this blog out; you might find out a couple of surprising facts. I know I did.

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Why Write?

For me, this question inevitably pops up time and time again; and every time it does, I see fit to answer it rather than ignore it in the hopes that it will go away. After all, what is the harm in doing so? Every time I think about it, I recall more and more things that I thought I had forgotten over the passage of time. That’s always entertaining, if highly embarrassing at times.

Now, there is no real need for me to point out the obvious, but of course, I will go on to do so – the obvious being that there are a great many reasons why people actually write. I won’t bore you with a list, but I will say that such reasons can be both selfish and selfless, and I don’t feel that it particularly matters which as long as the process itself is enjoyable.

I could make this an extremely short post and state that this in itself is why I write. Because I enjoy it. But I’m a little more self-indulgent than that, and yes, I am going to take the time to make what might have been a simple response into something more like an essay. Besides, I have the feeling that I might look back upon this answer in the near future and wonder what, exactly, I was taking when I decided to write this, or else whether or not my perspectives on this have changed. While it may seem highly unlikely now, there is always the chance that I will quit writing forever; while I would like to think this an impossibility, the fact remains that nothing or this ilk is inevitable.

On with the show, however. I started writing through a simple need to place myself in the story. Yes, I was a shameless fan of this, I did it to death; the worst part, possibly, is that I didn’t even notice that I was doing it until it was too late. My excuse is that I was perhaps eight or nine when this idea started, and twelve when I actually penned this, and so, it was an occurrence that did not seem so out of place. Nobody pulled me up on it, either. Ultimately, this did not matter to me at the time because there was an incredible kind of fun that came from writing this character – essentially writing myself into the story – that made me feel untouchable in this respect, regardless of whether or not I decided to share this with the world. In the end, I did.

Fanfiction was never going to be enough for me, however. The unfortunate limitations of a world that someone else has labored over begin to feel a little cheap after some time, and it is always possible to feel like a cheat for using them. Of course, I did not have such adult emotions and conflicts to guide me at this stage, simply the notion that I wanted to continue to have fun, because this was what it was for me; if I could ‘create’ (I say this under duress) a character and a plot to revolve around her inside this world, then could I not create something entirely from scratch, utilizing what entertained me?

Praise, I will admit, spurred me on somewhat. Honestly, what twelve-year-old wouldn’t want to be bolstered by credit to both their own ability and feeling of self-worth, especially when my self-worth generally lest a lot to be desired? My writing back then was not exceptional by any means, but of course, I was not aware of this. What mattered was that people enjoyed it. I did not have any particular message to send, or any complicated, adult emotions to deal with, only a sense of what entertained and enthralled me which I used for my own dealings. I supposed late adolescence changed all of this somewhere along the line.

And so, in time, I would learn that nothing stays the same forever.

By the age of seventeen I felt a contrived need to place an excessively political message in anything I wrote, undercutting what might have been a story. All of the social injustice I felt, the cruel truths I had come to learn, the things that I was so blissfully unaware of young came to be, and honestly, any writing I did shot through with what I considered to be a just cause did not come out well at all. There will always be factors in our lives that influence our writing. It is learning to harness them, not allowing them to overwhelm us that is the complicated part, and something I so clearly missed I am stunned that I did not see it sooner. Such is life, however. At this time, I was writing because I felt like I had a message to send, that I needed to stand up and say something and the world needed to listen. Naive? Me? Inconceivable.

I cannot say I have ever resented writing, however. I have had varying reasons to do it, but the reasons I have kept doing it aren’t particularly quantitative; I enjoy it. There is more to it than this, of course – the most prevalent part is the freedom I feel it gives me, just like when I was younger,  my imagination, for the most part, has free reign. There was the stage where I had no concept of an audience, the stage where I wanted nothing but an audience, and now I feel I am at the stage where I am ambivalent towards this. There is some work I am willing to show off, and some work I write purely for my own amusement. There are short stories I write for the sake of writing them, for the sake of stretching my, uh, fingers and getting back into the habit after time off. There are articles I write to do little more than boost my own ego, fantasizing that I am a well-paid journalist whose work is in high esteem with most readers. There is little else I do to entertain myself; that portion of writing I do not do anything with is, quite simply, that.

Now for the part that is not particularly novel. Writing is an escape for me, too. Like most people, I have hopes and dreams. Like most people, I also have things that I wish to escape. When concentrating on a life so far removed from my own, this is exactly what I am allowed to do.

So I suppose you might say that I am one of those writers who is mostly selfish. There was, and to a lesser extent, still is a spark within me that hopes that my writing might just touch one person out there, like the works of various authors have done for me. There’s the idea that my writing, one day, might give someone something to look for again, something to aspire to or hold on to, because losing faith in everything is dark, it is a dull and hopeless place to be. The smallest of passages can re-ignite a spark and thus the notion of caring for something – anything – once again. I would be lying if I said I didn’t write for myself. I would also be lying if I said that I thought this was likely to happen any time soon, as it most likely won’t.

It might though.

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